Thursday, August 25, 2011

Marriage is a Three Ring Circus: the Engagement Ring, the Wedding Ring, and Suffering

I want to marry my boyfriend. I'm contemplating buying my own engagement ring. No, not really, but the thought has crossed my mind on several occasions. In fact, if the gender roles were reversed and women proposed to men, we would probably be engaged by now. This might sound harsh, but it's a fact. I've talked about the power dynamtic of men and women in our post-millenium world before, and it's been drilled in to our heads that as a woman, financial independence is good. These days I'm wondering if that's actually true.

Fact: I have a moderately successful career with prospects of increasing success each year. Fact: If I were a man, dating a woman with less income would not be considered taboo. Fact: If I were a man, it would not be considered odd if I contributed to most of the shared expenses. Fact: I am not a man. Where has all of my independence gotten me? If I had a magic lamp and a genie asked if I would change financial situations with my beloved, would I? Well, no probably not, a girl's gotta buy shoes and cocktails. If it meant I got to be engaged and "taken care of?" Hmm...

In the news... ok fine in the gossip magazines... you always see these famous lady celebrities getting married to these perhaps-not-so-successful men, and they have these GIANT rocks, 2, 3.. 20 carats! Makes you wonder who is footing the bill, he or she? In the end, it's all about appearances.

I mean, a lot of women are shying away from the "big ring" cliche so who cares if we buy it ourselves? If our men wouldn't consider it a giant diamond kick in the nuts, who's to judge? Or are we gaining so much power that eventually this role will reverse itself anyways?

I've been told that I'm a bit controlling when it comes to my life and well, everything. Yeah, that's definitely true, I prefer to work alone rather than with a group. I've been faced with this decision and the option of financing my own engagement. Ultimately my woman gut (internal not external) has opted out of such a feminist move. Maybe I'll have to wait a little longer, but most things in life worth having are out of our control and worth the wait. Ultimately we must remember it's not the size of the rock, but the inner worth of our ball and chain.

Title Quote from The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap (1947)