It's Like Someone Literally Wrote Down My Worst Nightmare and Then Charged Me $32 to See It!

I went to see my boyfriend perform in an opera yesterday. I got to watch him play a sex slave in a brothel during Act II. The title of this entry pretty much speaks for itself. As a fellow performer, of course I understand that as an actor, these days more often than not, you will have to kiss, hug, and be pretty intimate as part of your role in a performance. This is something I have always taken for granted as normal, until yesterday.

In middle and high school, I remember vividly the reaction that occurred anytime two character had to kiss in a show. Those poor kids had to try and shove all self esteem, sexual confusion, and awkwardness issues out the door, to be brave enough in that moment, generally to be met by whoops and laughter upon completion of the task. Easy? No. Of course, at that point in your life it's even harder to distinguish pretend from reality. When your hormones are going nuts, when most of us are would give anything for a kiss from someone special, how can you not separate your true feelings from that moment. Kissing is nice.

In college, things went a bit further. I took an acting for non-acting majors class and was paired with the cutest guy in the class to do a VERY romantic scene from a play adaption of The Lady with the Little Dog. For those of you not familiar, this play tells the story of two people who fall in love and have a torrid affair. Both of these characters are married to other people. In this particular scene, we are in bed, being affectionate basically doing the proverbial, "What the heck are we doing, but wait this feels so right" dance. Turns out, this scene was actually HARDER with a guy that I found attractive because it felt like an awkward battle of how much is the character and how much is me? As an actor, how much of yourself goes into the role? In the end, my true-to-feeling discomfort played to my advantage as my character was trying to distance herself from the passion to see reason. Phew, lucky break on that one. As a result from this experience, I came to find that these scenes often are as sexy as a calculus class and I developed a respect for anyone who could get through those parts of plays.

Considering my last two roles in shows were a nun and a demur Japanese virgin, I haven't come face-to-face with this dilemma in recent, and I have never been in a relationship when performing lascivious acts on stage. Also, at this point, I'd been lucky with my boyfriend, he hadn't had to do anything questionable on stage. In reality, it's amazing this has not come up sooner.

So now we're up to the present, before the performance I had been told that their might be a scene with some "PG" intimacy. Scene unfolds, there is my boyfriend in an Aladdin outfit, with a short adorable girl in tow wearing a red Jasmine outfit. F$%#! For 20-30 minutes they are literally center stage during the music, she's lying on the floor, bare leg in the air, being fondled by my boyfriend. Awesome. Now, I understand that as a chorister in a sexy brothel scene, a little bit of sexy must occur. But. In my mind, this felt more like girlfriend and boyfriend acting out a brothel scene, not two slaves whoring it out with each other. Intimacy and sex are two different things.

I guess the question is this, Is it better if he's in the moment picturing me, and showing the world how he's intimate with me? Or, if "in the mind set of the character" he's focused his attraction to the half-naked girl? In my mind, showing attraction even in a play, ALWAYS comes from somewhere real, maybe not all of it, but that's method acting. Otherwise, it looks fake to me. For example, later on in the scene, he's sort of petting a half naked guy. That was not convincing at all. So, am I overreacting?

Probably a little bit. I mean, even if he's in the chorus he should be committed to the moment right? Even if every other person on that stage didn't look near as familiar as the two center stage slutty slave... So now my boyfriend is the best actor on stage at that moment? Hmm... Perhaps if I'd been at the show with friends or family I could have laughed some of it off. At the same time, I might have been even more humiliated.

Dating an actor has it's pros and cons. Actors are EXTREMELY slutty touchy-feely people. Perhaps being so constantly emotionally charged has its draw-backs, knowing what's coming from a real place vs. what's conjured in the moment? You see so many examples of famous actors (TALENTED actors) who so easily lose that line. Look at Heath Ledger or the infamous Brangelina. Not that I think this would or could happen to me, but it makes you wonder why so many Hollywood marriage fail.

You have to find that balance between what you do on stage and try not to take that home with you. Where do you draw the line, does that line apply to what happens on the stage? Apparently the stage is the new Vegas, what happens there... well you get it. And as the partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, maybe it's beneficial to the relationship to skip those questionably racy performances. As long as he comes home to you, why pay good money to be given even a shred of doubt that he won't?

Title Quote from FRIENDS

The Wedding Dance is a timeless ritual... Surrounded by a group of family and friends. Watching, smiling, taking bets on how long it's going to last

I went to a wedding on Saturday. The groom is my boyfriend's brother. I suppose as a woman it's no big surprise to anyone that I absolutely love weddings. Although I guess some women find them inane, tacky, sappy, and even a reminder of one's romantic status. Even though I am in a relationship, I have to say that I enjoyed weddings even as a single girl.

Weddings are so interesting to me for the simple fact that you learn so much about a couple by what you see at their wedding. Also, for me, this was a giant opportunity to meet my boyfriend's entire family. Yikes, no pressure there. And manage to body shield my heart from the seemingly innocuous, "First your brother, then you're next!"

For me the most informative part of this particular wedding was the actual ceremony. The entire function took place at one location, the ceremony and the reception. The ceremony was in a pretty room that had an almost Greek garden appeal. They had their own reverend (a woman) and the vows were a-traditional.

At first, she recited the verse from the bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”

I love that quote; after the standard thanking of friends and family, the MC went into detail about how the couple met and a summary of their time together. She even incorporated quotes from the pair about the other. That was the most telling part. And part that made me tear up. That and when they did their own vows. I love that.

I know some people find weddings annoying, but I think it's important to recognize your love for your partner in a ceremony that binds your love in front of friends and family. And then kick off your union with a party! Who doesn't like that?

Title Quote: Wedding Date

Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.

I am a girlfriend. I do not know why or how this happened. However, I do know that there are things most guys look for when they hire for this position. Even though I did not submit a resume, according to askmen.com there are certain traits that are more preferable than others.

10. She's Independent
9. She's Intelligent
8. She's Sexual
7. She's Beautiful
6. She Respects You
5. She Lets You Be a Man
4. She's Nag-less
3. She Gets Along with Friends and Family
2. She Loves You
1. She Makes You Want to Be a Better Man

Well, of course we're not so thrilled about #7 or even #4 but other than that, I think that's pretty reasonable. The question is how accurate is this list, and do guys really know what they have when it's right in front of them?

If you're looking to meet a real guy (guys in bars don't count 99% of the time) then I'd say this list almost completely holds up to reality. All of us seem to think that guys are douch-bags until we listen to our guy friends talk about how hard it is to find a woman. Guess what! There's a list for guys too!

10. You Listen to Her
9. You're Spontaneous
8. You're Sexual
7. You're Confident
6. You Pay Attention
5. You Give Her Space
4. You Respect Her (and her family)
3. You Better Yourself
2. You Challenge Her to be Better
1. You Make her Feel Beautiful

Not bad AskMen.com. I'd say that's about par, although some of them could be switched around a bit. Some of these actually coincide with the girl's list. So ultimately guys want girls who feel beautiful because their men think they are beautiful and make them feel beautiful. And girls want guys who pay attention, then give them space, but help each other better each other, and wait... wait are you even listening to me? No I'm not nagging...

Title Quote: Sex and the City

Had my Dream Again Where I’m Making Love , and the Olympic Judges are Watching.

I had a weird dream. I dreamed that my boyfriend and I got into a fight. It was incredibly vivid. He was working at a bar (he's a bartender, not a giant stretch) and he came home with a girl's phone number. Being my non-perfect dream self, I was as jealous and suspicious as I would have been in real life. I asked him why he took it and he claimed that it wasn't important enough for me to be upset. Then, I proceeded to ask dream-him whether he had asked for the number or whether she had just given it to him. After a "I won't dignify that question with an answer" answer, he said I could guess. I guessed that he asked for it, and he was flabbergasted and upset that I didn't trust him.

I woke up to the real man next to me, all sleeping and innocent and wonderful next to me. He woke up not soon after I did, and I told him about it, editing out all genuine concern. Being wonderful, he sidled up to me and said it was a ridiculous dream and that his dream-self sounded more like the voice of my other exes, not him.

While that mollifed me for a bit, I wondered how much of our dreams are voices from the past. I looked up the meaning of a suspected cheating "spouse" in my trusty dream dictionary and apparently:

"To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem. The dream could also indicate that you are unconsciously picking up hints and cues that your significant other is not being completely truth or is not fully committed in the relationship." -Dream Dictionary.com

This begs the question, do I have fears of abandonment in my relationship? Unfortunately yes. The ghosts of my past haven't completely gone away and deep down I'm still that insecure girl from high school who never felt she could measure up to her first love. I guess the boy was right. As for the unconsciously picking up deception in the relationship or commitment, I don't think so.

On the flip side, I had previously had another dream in which I had THREE boyfriends: my boyfriend, someone I can't remember, and randomly, John Corbett. We went to an outdoor camping retreat and they rotated my affections in order to essentially be the last man standing. Very Bachelorette. Oh and there was a pogo stick. In this scenario,

"To dream that you are cheating on your spouse, mate, fiance, or significant other, suggests feelings of self-guilt and self-betrayal. You may have compromised your beliefs or integrity and/or wasting your energy and time on fruitless endeavors. Alternatively, it reflects the intensity of your sexual passion and exploring areas of your sexuality. It is actually a reaffirmation of your commitment. Furthermore, it is not uncommon for people approaching a wedding to have dreams about erotic experiences with partners other than their intended spouses. Most likely, such dreams represent the newness of your sexual passion. It may also signify anxieties of changing your identity - that of a spouse." -Dream Dictionary.com

So I've reaffirmed my commitment and expressed fear about my boyfriend's. Sounds like normal relationship steps to me. Time to hit the sack and be hit with further relationship advice.

Title Quote from When Harry Met Sally

There's two things we get stupid for, money and sex

I am a twenty something career woman. I am in a relationship with a musician. Yes, I also consider myself a musician, however, the 'day-job' I have found myself in has allowed me to become established in my young age. I'm truly an adult with my own place, bills, health insurance, and money to indulge in recreation. So many women in their twenties once they graduate are becoming more and more successful in their careers, both educationally and fiscally. Men are not quite on this rise. This makes the balance of power a battle of the sexes.

We're still fighting the same battles today; the rise of the successful woman, not hurting the pride of the man. Money and power are not things to ignore in a relationship and as much as we may like to believe that love, passion, and mutual respect will conquer... but it always comes out eventually. Women today have come to accept that it's ok to go Dutch for dates and that the guy doesn't always have to pay for everything.

I had always equated talking about money as talking about religion or politics, just a subject that shouldn't be brought up at the risk of making someone uncomfortable, whether you're rich, poor, or middle class. Growing up I had friends who lived in colonials, mansions, split-levels, and trailers but as a child money can be put more to the side as an issue.

The New York Time wrote an article about the dynamics of dating when the balance of money is in favor of the woman in the relationship: Putting Money on the Table. And I think although it covers the basic issue, it doesn't provide a solution. Can your relationship survive if there is a gap in fiscal balance?

Maybe in emphasizing that it isn't the size of a man's wallet that matters, some of the urgency in being successful as a man has decreased a bit. Because it's all about personality now, right? It's easy to be stupid about money when we're busy being stupid about sex.

Title Quote from House

Chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert...

I’m trying to find a life mate. I’d prefer if he were an Alpha Male. Of course everyone knows the term “Alpha Male” but what are we really saying? What does the prefix of a Greek letter accomplish in describing the kind of man every women wants? According to Women’s Health magazine, the Alpha Male is a truly endangered species. The good news? It’s not just you ladies! Where DID all the great guys go?

Not to knock the increasingly popular sensitive, gentle beta male, but biologically women want to find the guy who can best provide, shelter, and protect… oh yeah and have killer abs and be a beast in the sac. ;) Are we reaching for the stars? Dr. Leonard Sax, M.D. PhD. Wrote an entire book about what in our society has contributed to this, as he calls it, “arrested male development.”

It’s ironic that we can’t seem to accomplish any sense of balance regarding gender roles. Women have risen above men these days, they have a clear sense of their own femininity; we’re succeeding more at work and becoming better educated than most men. How can we start raising boys who will step up to the masculine role again? We’re evolving as a society, of course, but I’m getting pretty sick of the age of the lazy man. In the history of everything, men never had to work to achieve their standing in society.

Even these lazy guys seem to be able to get chicks; come on ladies! Solidarity! Most of us are pretty damn accomplished, Alpha women deserve Alpha men.

Check out the article here: Is the Alpha Male in Danger of Extinction?
Title quote from Employee of the Month

You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book!

I'm reading an erotic novel disguised as a vampire saga. No, I'm not reading Twilight for the 100th time, unless you're reading the unwritten unrated version, then, we might need to trade. There's something about a well-written sex scene in a book (romance, thriller, whatever...) that makes you forget all the reasons you shouldn't be having spontaneous sex with the guy behind the counter at CVS, and just go for it.
I'm not condoning random sex with drugstore workers--although you might get a discount on the condom you use--but it doesn't really support sleeping with people who might be emotionally good for you. It does remind us that spontaneity can be a huge turn-on.
The drives of ones body, to be flowery, aren't easy to ignore once you've opened that car door. Do you ever wonder why it was so easy to have such sexually sparse relationships in high school or middle school for some of you? Because kissing WAS enough, once you start giving into those feelings and realizing what kind of sparks can exist, well suddenly kissing becomes the appetizer. Granted, I'd almost always rather have 2 appetizers than 1 main course and I think most women would agree with me.
Women seem to be drawn more to the erotic novel more then say, the erotic movie, quite intellectual of us, no? This is a gross generalization and I apologize to all of you men who love a good harlequin romance and every girl who has youporn tabbed on her browser. You know who you are. But, the fact is that these novels are generally geared towards women. There is something about reading a sex scene as opposed to seeing it. This might relate to why women like foreplay so much. Sex scenes in books just ooze with foreplay, you can't see it coming (no pun intended) so the lead-up is what's exciting, like... wait for it... an appetizer! And you thought I was digressing!
There are a million sexy ways to have characters accidentally touch or kiss, plus, there's setting, intrigue, sexual tension, and generally some part of the plot that will make it so much more complicated later. It takes a skilled writer to come up with a creative way to phrase "he put it in her." Yawn. It's not even the actual sex that's exciting, it's the lead-up. No, we're not drawn to drama, just appetizing foreplay... although isn't it kind of sexy when you get both...