Sunday, December 11, 2011

I'm addressing Christmas cards. Aren't they cute? Each one has a little bunny on it dressed up like a shepherd. Don't say I'm not religious!

I send out Christmas cards every year to friends and family. I'm sending a joint Christmas card out with my boyfriend this year. I always thought that was the kind of thing only married couples and families did, but, after a year of living together, 3 Christmases together, I asked him what he thought, and he thought it would be a nice idea. Great! Last year we received Christmas cards from couples who weren't married, so why not? Has the Christmas card commitment stigma changed? Besides, A is my family unit.

I remember a Friend's episode (it's a TV show if you didn't know) where the character Ross is dating a girl for a series of months, and during the Christmas season, she suggests that they send out Christmas cards together. Ross' hesitance sparks a larger conversation about "where the relationship is going" and the comment, "Married couples send out cards, couples dating for a couple of months do NOT send out cards." So in that respect, while a couple need not be married, the idea of sending a card out together, indicates a certain degree of commitment. After all you wouldn't want everyone on your Christmas card list to know how many non-serious relationships you are in, based on the different girl/guy you are smiling with in your annual Christmas card.

A and I often talk about the future, where we see ourselves, and while that future does include the proverbial ring, wedding, eventually a family, that future is not immediate. We both have a lot of work to do financially and emotionally before we are ready to make that kind of commitment. Once a couple reaches a certain age, the inevitable "when's it gonna happen" question begins to make it's way in to conversations. And, it's hard to give blaise reason "why not?"

Actually, it's kind of a personal question to ask a couple now that I think about it... usually I respond to it with a disparaging joke or quip. Or, another question... depending on my wit level is doing that day.

What I'm learning as I embark on this journey, is that there are no rules, only guidelines, based on what works best for you both. If you're ready to get married, if you're not, that doesn't mean anything about your relationship. Marriage is a huge decision. Why rush? What will really change anyways? Marriage doesn't guarentee a new set of happiness or even permanance. Not that I'm bashing the institution, but if you already feel secure in both of those things, then what's the problem? Marriage should be the house upon that already secure foundation. It shouldn't just be the next logical step or a bandaid to spice things up again. If that foundation is weak... well I think you get this building allegory well enough.

A and I always hope that no much will change, except maybe the last names that go on the Christmas cards. Maybe not even that!

So, back to addressing those cards then...

Title Quote from Charlie Brown Short Film