Friday, October 28, 2011

Halloween is the One Night of the Year when Girls Can Dress Like a Total Slut and No Other Girls Can Say Anything About

I love Halloween. I have my costume planned. It's not slutty, it's fabulous! Last year I wanted to coordinate a costume with A, and it was pretty cute. We did a from-the-store costume run, he went as the Mad Hatter, and I was the March Hare. We even held teacups with our names on them. (These posts are getting sappy aren't they? I'm sorry, I have a cynical point in here I promise.)

THIS year, I thought it might be fun to both be Disney Villains... see that's much cooler, I knew you'd be on board. It didn't work out however, I will be riding the Disney Villian express solo. But that's okay. It occurred to me that often times, couples really do tend to conform to each others' lives in more than one way. (In this case, the not-so-serious costume choice.) But, how much of ourselves do we give to our partners in habit/rituals etc?

I noticed initially in our relationship that I began to used phrases that A used. (I still do sometimes.) I think that's pretty common, we tend to retain some of the mannerisms of our close friends and family the more time we spend with them. As children we are sponges to the mannerisms and phrases we hear. I very distinctly remember as a child repeating things I heard and not really understood what I meant. This begs the question, how much of ourselves, is... well, us?

I know another "who I am blog post" but if you think about how much other people actually influence who we become it's pretty mind boggling and a little scary. This is a meaty topic in itself, just looking at how we evolve from child to adult and all of the people who influence our soul. Still, there is always that inner voice we all have that ultimately decides what we say, what we love, and how we truly feel about the world. And that piece is completely ours, free of influential tyranny!

The most important lesson I think you can take away from this, and what I believe makes a relationship most successful is to spend time on that part of you that is yours. In order for a relationship to be a success you have to know who you are and be willing to spend time with yourself alone. If you don't like spending time with you, why would your partner? If you don't know who you are, well, how do you know what's kind of person is good for you?

Most of us are still learning to nourish that part of ourselves that makes us unique and discovering new things about it everyday. Take time from your loved one and go indulge in those things that appeal most to you. In my case, that sometimes involves going to a fancy restaurant alone or taking a bubble-bath with my trashy magazines. Or... going solo with my Halloween costume.

Sometimes a girl just needs to sit in her underwater layer, and plan to take over the ocean. Why not?

Title Quote from Mean Girls