Thursday, November 19, 2009

There's two things we get stupid for, money and sex

I am a twenty something career woman. I am in a relationship with a musician. Yes, I also consider myself a musician, however, the 'day-job' I have found myself in has allowed me to become established in my young age. I'm truly an adult with my own place, bills, health insurance, and money to indulge in recreation. So many women in their twenties once they graduate are becoming more and more successful in their careers, both educationally and fiscally. Men are not quite on this rise. This makes the balance of power a battle of the sexes.

We're still fighting the same battles today; the rise of the successful woman, not hurting the pride of the man. Money and power are not things to ignore in a relationship and as much as we may like to believe that love, passion, and mutual respect will conquer... but it always comes out eventually. Women today have come to accept that it's ok to go Dutch for dates and that the guy doesn't always have to pay for everything.

I had always equated talking about money as talking about religion or politics, just a subject that shouldn't be brought up at the risk of making someone uncomfortable, whether you're rich, poor, or middle class. Growing up I had friends who lived in colonials, mansions, split-levels, and trailers but as a child money can be put more to the side as an issue.

The New York Time wrote an article about the dynamics of dating when the balance of money is in favor of the woman in the relationship: Putting Money on the Table. And I think although it covers the basic issue, it doesn't provide a solution. Can your relationship survive if there is a gap in fiscal balance?

Maybe in emphasizing that it isn't the size of a man's wallet that matters, some of the urgency in being successful as a man has decreased a bit. Because it's all about personality now, right? It's easy to be stupid about money when we're busy being stupid about sex.

Title Quote from House

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert...

I’m trying to find a life mate. I’d prefer if he were an Alpha Male. Of course everyone knows the term “Alpha Male” but what are we really saying? What does the prefix of a Greek letter accomplish in describing the kind of man every women wants? According to Women’s Health magazine, the Alpha Male is a truly endangered species. The good news? It’s not just you ladies! Where DID all the great guys go?

Not to knock the increasingly popular sensitive, gentle beta male, but biologically women want to find the guy who can best provide, shelter, and protect… oh yeah and have killer abs and be a beast in the sac. ;) Are we reaching for the stars? Dr. Leonard Sax, M.D. PhD. Wrote an entire book about what in our society has contributed to this, as he calls it, “arrested male development.”

It’s ironic that we can’t seem to accomplish any sense of balance regarding gender roles. Women have risen above men these days, they have a clear sense of their own femininity; we’re succeeding more at work and becoming better educated than most men. How can we start raising boys who will step up to the masculine role again? We’re evolving as a society, of course, but I’m getting pretty sick of the age of the lazy man. In the history of everything, men never had to work to achieve their standing in society.

Even these lazy guys seem to be able to get chicks; come on ladies! Solidarity! Most of us are pretty damn accomplished, Alpha women deserve Alpha men.

Check out the article here: Is the Alpha Male in Danger of Extinction?
Title quote from Employee of the Month

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book!

I'm reading an erotic novel disguised as a vampire saga. No, I'm not reading Twilight for the 100th time, unless you're reading the unwritten unrated version, then, we might need to trade. There's something about a well-written sex scene in a book (romance, thriller, whatever...) that makes you forget all the reasons you shouldn't be having spontaneous sex with the guy behind the counter at CVS, and just go for it.
I'm not condoning random sex with drugstore workers--although you might get a discount on the condom you use--but it doesn't really support sleeping with people who might be emotionally good for you. It does remind us that spontaneity can be a huge turn-on.
The drives of ones body, to be flowery, aren't easy to ignore once you've opened that car door. Do you ever wonder why it was so easy to have such sexually sparse relationships in high school or middle school for some of you? Because kissing WAS enough, once you start giving into those feelings and realizing what kind of sparks can exist, well suddenly kissing becomes the appetizer. Granted, I'd almost always rather have 2 appetizers than 1 main course and I think most women would agree with me.
Women seem to be drawn more to the erotic novel more then say, the erotic movie, quite intellectual of us, no? This is a gross generalization and I apologize to all of you men who love a good harlequin romance and every girl who has youporn tabbed on her browser. You know who you are. But, the fact is that these novels are generally geared towards women. There is something about reading a sex scene as opposed to seeing it. This might relate to why women like foreplay so much. Sex scenes in books just ooze with foreplay, you can't see it coming (no pun intended) so the lead-up is what's exciting, like... wait for it... an appetizer! And you thought I was digressing!
There are a million sexy ways to have characters accidentally touch or kiss, plus, there's setting, intrigue, sexual tension, and generally some part of the plot that will make it so much more complicated later. It takes a skilled writer to come up with a creative way to phrase "he put it in her." Yawn. It's not even the actual sex that's exciting, it's the lead-up. No, we're not drawn to drama, just appetizing foreplay... although isn't it kind of sexy when you get both...

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman: "I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."

I just broke up with a guy. He was not my boyfriend. Until someone proves me wrong I'm completely convinced that breaking up is different for girls than for guys. How do I know this? Well, as I said, I just broke up with a guy, who wasn't really my boyfriend, so really we're taking a "break" and just not seeing each other for awhile. I broke up with him not because I don't care about him, I do, a lot... I did this awful thing for good reasons, and yet... I feel like a complete shit. When was the last time you saw a guy feel like this after he broke up with a girl? I'll be never.

Breaking up requires a lot more pre-thought then you'd think. Where? When? How? Should I even say ANYTHING or just cut this person out altogether? I did it over the phone, which under normal circumstances I would consider lower than dirt to do, but me and this guy couldn't see each other until next week and did I really want to let it lie that long? I suppose that would have been the less selfish option, but the shear fact that we wouldn't be seeing each other for that long may have pushed me over the edge into this predicament.

What's even more complicated is... now what? Do we not talk anymore? Do we? Is that weird? Technically we've been allowed to see other people the entire time we've been "together" so that doesn't change. What changes? Does ANYTHING change? Well so far what's changed is I'm not mad and frustrated anymore... I'm upset, not happy. That wasn't part of the plan. How much of yourself should you give up to make something work to avoid exactly this situation? How much should you expect the other person to give? Solve that equation and you're the new John Nash.

Title Quote from Sex and the City

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Resolve to Fight for Yourselves, and For Others, For Those You Love.

I had an epiphany induced by coffee beans hiding in my seemingly innocent chocolate bar. And all I was trying to do was make chocolate covered strawberries. Cooking never ceases to solve a plethora of problems. Something about feeding yourself really does feed your brain. Last night I realized the key to future happiness in my future relationships, despite the fact that it’s a complete cliche. The man I end up with is going to be the man who fights for me. Sounds simple? If it was would I bother writing an extensive paragraph about it? Welll, probably, haha but it wouldn’t be very good.

Most people would agree that fighting is never the best solution to a problem. As kids we are taught to find intelligent peaceful solutions to problems to avoid verbal and physical conflict. In martial arts, despite being taught the skills which allow us to defend ourselves in a difficult situation, the most important lesson you learn is how not to use those skills. Many of us tend to avoid confrontation, violence, and war at any and all costs. Except in the case of love.

Talk to any parent about fighting for their child, I’m sure they would describe in immense detail the lengths for which they would go to protect him or her. Fighting for ones rights, rights that allow us life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, or love. Fighting for love is a common issue these days, allowing the marriage of two people of the same sex to share that love in a marriage. I’m sure most people would agree that if one must fight, one must fight for love.

I don’t mean to imply that love and violence should be interconnected. Not so. This is not an article condoning domestic violence in any capacity. I’m almost positive that you got that. I hope. I am stressing the importance of “The Fight” the struggle and journey that hopefully will land you the person of your dreams. Is there really any other conflict out there can result in such an agreeable resolution.

Back to the epiphany, it started with the romantic inclination of having two men
fight over me, a fantasy. What’s the attraction to the violence in that? It’s almost primal right, like two males gunning it out until the stronger male more able to procreate successfully mates with the female. Now that’s just sexist of me right? Why would my instincts buy into that incredibly sexist scenario? Good question.

As I thought about it more, I flash forward through the men I’ve crushed on, dated, and loved. Any common denominator? Well, I’m not with any of them. Perhaps this is my fault… but then again maybe I’m picking the wrong men. None of these guys ever fought for me when things got tough. The guys I’ve dated, we broke up “mutually” but what that means is there was a bump in the road and we had to part ways. If a guy wanted to be with me, should that, or should that stop them? Or should we be content with the phrase, “I’m a lover not a fighter.”

How does this knowledge affect me? Well, for the first time in my life I feel in control and content. I’ve spent 5 years chasing after a guy who I’m in love with, doing everything and anything I could think of to convince him that we were meant to be. I was in a relationship with another guy who I cared about who couldn't and wouldn’t find the time to commit to me. I realize now that with guy no. 1 I can finally stop fighting. I can have this person in my life in the same capacity and not be miserable if we’re not together, because now, that fate lies in his hands. For guy no.2 I just broke things off explaining that I couldn’t do it anymore. Now what you ask? Now I wait, and see if either one of them will fight for me. Guys have it easy these days, they aren’t fighting dragons for their damsels, or kissing seemingly dead ones to wake them up, or fight a vampire or a werewolf…. but a girl can dream right?

Title Quote from The Poseidon Adventure

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

There Are Millions Of People In This World, But In the End It All Comes Down To One

I went on a date yesterday. The guy I met on the internet. Expecting a horror story aren’t you? Well, I don’t have one for you today. Six months ago I would have said that internet dating is a sure fire way to get rejected every single day. Honestly, that’s what it is, if you don’t find someone cute and nice to chat with, it means the 1,000 people checking out your profile said, “eh, no.” Which you know, always feels great.

The universe loves to give you everything or nothing I’ve decided. Six months of barely a hit, and this week, three nice cute men found me. Tuesday was the first of these escapades. One thing you have to be careful of when dating online is the “good on paper” guy. The guy fits your physical standards, height and body type match up, he has a job, a good job or even a great job, and seems to have enough charisma to write a decent yet unpresumptuous ‘About Me’ section. This guy fit that, and after several e-mails back and forth… he showed some depth.

What they don’t include on the website are sound bites. I seem to be a magnet for the men with the accents. Not knocking foreign guys at all but it begs the question: what kind of men do I attract? The first guy I ever 3Ded with from the internet was Greek and boy did he sound it. In that case, having a conversation almost required subtitles, specifically indicating sarcasm. The boy, man, date I ended up meeting is from Slovakia. He’s been here awhile so the subtitles could be shut off.

Another problem with online dating is phone number etiquette. Do I give the guy I don’t know my phone number? But if I don’t then you’re bound to have communication/meeting issues. As I did. This guy e-mailed me the day of our “date” to confirm but since I didn’t go home I never received it. I ended up waiting almost 20 minutes before conceding to call him. Damn you caller ID. Yes I realize I could have done the *82 trick or whatever it is, but who has time to be clever when you think you might be stood up? After getting the guy on the phone he explains the confirmation e-mail story and says he can meet me in 10 minutes.

Ten minutes later, awkward date time. The guy was still cute, probably an inch shorter than his online stats, and heavily accented. So off we go to alcohol land, drinks are ordered, and forced conversation begins. Truth be told, it was fine, he’s very sweet, nice, complimentary which is nice, although, I’m such a cynic, he’d call me sexy and I’d laugh a snarky laugh. (Not at him, just at the clichédness of it.) The only culture clash I found was the increasing amount of physical contact over the course of the evening. A brush of the thigh here, an arm around the shoulder there… it wasn’t annoying just a bit forward for a guy I barely know.

Conclusion, yeah I might go on a second date. Will I marry him? No probably not, but online dating is as good a way as any to get out there and figure out if not who’s right for you, but who’s wrong for you. Plus, you might get a free drink out of it or a future other half. What’s wrong with that?

Title Quote from Crazy/Beautiful

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hearts will Never be Practical until They are Made Unbreakable

I was in a relationship that ended badly. Of course I was, are there people in this crazy world who cannot relate to that statement? If you can’t, then I can only assume you are wasting your time reading this when you obviously should be spending your time taking samples of Planet Earth’s soil or observing our atmosphere’s weather patterns. Say hi to the mothership for me. The human condition requires that relationships be difficult. As I so often try explain to my friends, in addition to convincing myself on days when logic fails, the most wonderful things in life are often the most difficult to attain, otherwise what makes them special?

That might seem an incredibly bubblegum thing to say but think about it. The things, people, circumstances people find most desirable are those that are not the most easily attained. Not to say that there aren’t people out there whose life goal is to have a banana split with hot fudge and a cherry on top. What happens, though, when the thing you want the most is… well, something completely beyond your control, such as a date, or a husband/wife or a child? Well crap.

There are so many books, movies, magazines, articles, scientific studies, all relating to this pursuit in order to make it something everyone can have. Yet still, with all of this overzealous communication, honesty, and dissection so many of us still haven’t got a damn clue. We might even be more confused than when we started.

I’m sure most people have their own mantra when it comes to relationships. “Time heals all wounds,” “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” or “What’s meant to be will be.” I love that one. It evokes the image of an omnipotent being gazing over the filing cabinet of humanity and randomly color coding our files, “will marry, will divorce, will have cats, will attract losers, will divorce, will be single…” Is it all really that much out of our hands? Everyone who claims to be in a successful relationship will often recount their first meeting story with a note of how lucky they were to find each other. Something you often want to have in writing if the relationship fails.

What’s one more blog in cyberspace dissecting the randomness of love, marriage, and sex? Oh wait I’m sorry this is 2009… soo… sex, procreation, and divorce. Am I that cynical? I don’t think I’m grown-up enough yet, but someday maybe. I haven’t quite gotten stuck to the bottom of Life’s shoe yet.

Title Quote from The Wizard of Oz